I don't know what is required for the male PC, but for the female PC I know to start the Leliana romance you need at least +50 approval and then in camp she will bring up a dialogue tree, which is one time only, where she says that she really likes how you wear your hair. As I understand it the options to start the romance and move it to the next level are one time only and need to be answered very specifically, or you can't advance the romance, or get it. Well this is the first time I have heard of certain dialogue options and the personal quest being closed off if you jack approval too high with gifts, it sounds to me like you might have screwed up in the dialogue tree.
